Book of dreams: Run for your life (Chapter 2)
July 13, 2017 (Thursday)
It's a sunny day. No sign of a coming rain.
I was walking on the school corridor. I just don't know if what school was this-it looks too familiar but also not.
A lot of students are on the hall way, I just don't know what's going on and why I'm also here. I just opened my eyes found myself standing in this crowded place.
They're all busy doing something that doesn't bothers me at all. Well, I think it's too important that's why they really try there best to make it through.
They are all loud and it irritates me so much.
Goshh.. there's no reason for them to be loud at all. They can do all things silently, doesn't they know the word silence?
I hate it, and I want to go home now. In the first place I don't have any idea why I'm here and no one seems to know me so I just want to go out of here.
But something inside me saying "don't go".
Still on that corridor, I heard two masculine voices counting down. Turning my head towards that direction it seems to be that they are up for a race.
They are both wearing a jogging pants and the one is wearing a sky blue v-neck shirt and the other one is just with his plain white shirt for the upper part of their bodies.
I look for myself for who are those and see one of them unfamiliar and the other one was him. I don't know how to react but I found myself continuing my walk through them.
They dash already, starting the race that they were planning of, that doesn't have any sense, I guess. Then, there, I'd released a deep breathe from my lungs that I held for a couple of seconds.
How I wish that race was for me - racing to get my heart, racing to.... STOP!!! Stop with such another stupid dreaming Clarc.
By the way let me introduce that him.!!
That him is John Cordell with some anonymous guy. John Cordell is my crush and we somewhat had a mutual understanding past days, weeks, months, years ago.
I don't know if that's really what should it be called, "mutual understanding", but that what I felt and I don't want to remember such things.
So the introduction is now officially ended because the only thing that's results when I remember those was the foolishness I had for myself.
It is so embarrasing. I feel so sorry for myself because up until now (it's 2018) I still don't know how to move on.
........So back to the story.......
But why are they running? Who's that guy with him? I can't fully see his face but I can say that he is also cute. They're so childish. That makes them cuter.
The thing is, it's been a year since the last time I saw and talked to John.
And the last words I heard from him was "goodbye", and the last thing I saw was the solid black pupils of his eyes and a his sweet smile.
Ughh, I hate past things they hurt so much. Everytime I remember something from the past: with matching some sort of sad songs my tears just fell out from my wonderful eyes.
Thankfully I'm not wearing any earphones or no sad background music is playing around, it might make me cry.
Yeah!!! I'm a cry baby, I get it.
But the biggest question is, Why now? Why here? Why him? Of all the people that I could see? Why? Now when I already moved on(still moving on)
about EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING that is really NOTHING at all, I mean there is NO SOMETHING on that EVERYTHING.
In other words we don't have a past, maybe it's just me who hoped that much. Nothing is officially counted as a score.
A feminine voice from out of somewhere, caught my attention. She must be calling me or something.
Hearing it again more clearly..
"Hey Clarc", I heard that from the side where benches are aligned for waiting purposes. I went to him, her, goshh his actually a gay thuu, so I'm confused of what pronoun should I use.
Ignoring a huge number of crowd, I instantly drove myself to where he/she is sitting.
I wish John would hit me while he's running around going back right here and our body would fall to the floor and he would say sorry and realize it was me and....
wait!! Clarc stop!...
Enough with those daydreams of yours, can't you remember what he did to you?
What? What he did??????
Can't you remember what you made yourself thought of what you two had?
Of what you had for him? Isn't that enough?
"Kenn! Hi there" I said and smiled at him.
"Still pretty" he replies while smoothly rubbing his hands below his chin.
"Really? Not obvious" I laugh as he gives me a poker face and also laugh.
^Just a couple of minutes, talking about non sense thing, that I barely remember^
"I'll be going now, so bye." I waved goodbye and walked through another direction of the hallway.
I can't remember what other things we talked about. Actually we're not that close, we often have some chats because sometimes I don't have company so there...
While walking, I try to walk as fast as I can but I can't, because the people who walks opposite the direction I'm taking bumps agianst me delivering me again backwards.
I look around to check if John is around. I just don't want to talk to him, I don't know why, I just don't want to. "but why do you look for me?".
Some part of me wanted to but, what's the point of talking to him? "He's actually your friend" my head whispered. Well I know but I don't know if I could still move if he will be in front of me.
Thoughts are clashing inside my head.
^It often happens, I'm always talking to myself, and sometimes I literally speaks out my thoughts that's why other people keep asking are you okay?
They mighy think that I'm crazy, but the hell I care, It's true. LOL.
"Clarc!" a familiar voice called me. But this time it's not Kenn or any one I know.
It's so deep and it's so sexy.
Wait, isn't that John's voice? Hell! did he just called me? Is it really him? Well that's new. Am I dreaming? That's defenitely not him.
And if that's him, then I definitely have to get out of here-that I should have done before.
And thankfully my feet started to feel like it wanted to go somewhere. It started to take fast step, but it's not me who's doing it. Wiping those people out of my way.
I'm asking myself why? Why can't I control my body. Is it because I heard John called me? But I'm not yet sure if that's him.
"Clarc wait". I heard that voice again. And now I managed to turn my head to check my back for who has been calling me.
My heart started to pump blood in an irregular way. It's John and now I definitely have to run away. My bloods now rushing through every nerves that I have and I can feel it.
The time I saw his face again; all I wanted to do is to touch it gently. I want to feel his soft skin again. I really miss him.
His eyes, his scent, his bites, his presence, his voice, his all in all. Though that's the things I wanted to do yet my body took steps going out of his sight.
Even his calling me, giving me the attention that I used to have before.
I'm really scared now. I'm scared of what's going to happen next.
I'm literally out of consciousness now. I can't think straight, something inside me is burning. How I wish the earth would just open up then eat me.