i'm new to this website so i don't think anyone will see this, but i need to say this. my name is Caroline Roche, i'm 15.
its crazy because i feel like my life is out of place all messed up and not real. i have been through a lot of stuff starting with 2 years ago, 2 days after my birthday.
my first and favorite dog Sadie who was 2 at the time passed. i was taking Sadie out on a walk, luckily i was in the yard, so i tugged Sadie's leash so she could move and go to the bathroom.
of course the leash was loose and popped off, like all free dogs she ran into the road.
sadly she got hit my a truck, i still see it in the back of my mind hearing the whimper and the screeching of the tires.
i was completely shocked, i ran inside with tears running down my face yelling that Sadie got hit. that night she passed. it was not fun knowing that my first dog who was 2 was gone.
that is only one of the things. a couple months later i was admitted to a mental hospital, which was pretty scary. it was my first time. i don't remember why but i guess it was bad.
about a month after i was sexually assaulted. it was the first time but not the last. it was my brothers very good friend, like a brother to me and another son to my parents.
i remember those nights when he was over i would act as if i was sleeping but scared to actually fall asleep. he would come into my room and lay with me on the bed.
i could feel his hands move up and down my body. i didn't want to say anything because i was scared, he would move his hands in my shirt and go up.
he tried to force me to do stuff, but i had the courage to tell him stop and to get out. it would take me 3 or 4 times to say stop before he actually did.
multiple months and times later i finally told my mom. i am glad that he is no longer to be near me. that fear is gone. but that's not all.
over the summer was when i got out of my comfort zone and experienced some things. i started vaping, had a couple drinks occasionally, and hooked up with guys. i got in trouble a lot.
again like the year before i was admitted to a mental hospital this time for being impulsive and getting aggressive with my voice and my actions.
after being there i went to a new therapist and i'm currently seeing her once a week instead of twice. at the end of 2018 i had found a good/real friend.
she is always there for me, i am blessed to have her as a friend. although 2017 and 2018 were bad i have hope that i will turn it around and make 2019 a new beginning for me.
i do want to say that's it but there is one more thing it didn't have an affect only in 2017 or 18 but since 2012 when my best friend (grandpa) passed away from cancer.
i was only 8 at the time, but i knew what death was. i have so many happy memories with him.
we shared our birthdays, went to the lake together to fish and go tubing, i would ride his motorcycle with him, but the most important thing is that he believed in me.
he was my role model, i love him and miss him so much.
i wish he could be here to help me through rough times and believe that i am here for me and not to impress people around me,
because i need to be content and happy with myself before i can jump ahead and that is the most important thing i can take away from this.