It all starts with a weird new feeling, one you can't really explain or understand. It comes and goes for a while, pendulating like a swing in the warm spring breeze.
You can't quite put your finger on the reason though...
After some time you notice that the strange mellowness was tied to a person that you really enjoyed spending time with.
It slowly envelops you in silky thoughts, it warms you up like a cup of tea in a rainy autumn day.
You swear you can feel angels slowly caressing you with their wings when that someone smiles at you.
Losing yourself more and more each day, just by trying to imagine a future with the person your heart chose.
Trying each night to find the courage and to compile the words that would finally show your true feelings, even if you know you're not ready yet,
just thinking about it sends a rush of adrenaline through your body.
But one day you finally decide that time had come. Ready or not, you just had to give it your best. After all, what's the worst that could happen, right?
Before, you thought that the worst thing would've been the answer, you didn't even think about what would've happened afterwards.
You didn't think about the crying, the loneliness, the dread that would befall you when you saw that person again.
You didn't think about the scars it would leave on you for the rest of your life.
And now you just have to live with it, because the strange mellowness will never come again.
With the passing of time you started to recover, now weary of the deceptive feeling. Everything was finally whole again: no more crying, no more dread, no more living in the past.
New people were constantly showing up in your life, but none brought the same strange emotion of before, and you didn't know how to feel about it.
But one day someone took every worry you still had left, and replaced them with something new and better. You started planning again for the future, having that new someone in your mind.
Nights became sleepless again, days sweeter, the sun more gentle, the moon more mysterious and your heart seemed to beat a different way.
"Not again...", was your first reaction. But that didn't keep you from falling again in the trap of beauty that was set right before your eyes.
You began to hope that this time it would be different, and it was for a while.
After some more time passed it started being the same as before, but it was too late already.
It happened again...
Tears, screams of sadness and fear.
And it will keep happening.
Repeat after repeat, to the beat of your rhythmically broken heart.