Another day is over, and as usual I'm lying in bed, going through my thoughts.
But something is different, instead of worries and unfinished work the only thing in my head is a jumbled mess that I can barely comprehend.
I try to unravel its actual meaning but as I do I find just pain and dread, both starting to eat at me from the inside. I kept going, the voices only getting louder and even more harrowing.
I feel as if theres no turning back now so I have to march on.
I feel cold, but somehow closer to what I am looking for.
Even colder, but closer still. Its as if fear is coming out of the marrow of my bones.
I'm paralyzed in this thought, I feel defeated, crushed by something greater than me.
I'm freezing with nothing to warm me back up.
All the heat in the world seems to have decayed before the abomination in my head.
I'm alone, left to face who i fear the most, my consciousness.
It reminds me that no matter how hard I work and improve I'll never be good enough to be happy with myself. I can't say anything back.
I'm stuck facing the end.
The cold is getting unbearable, but there is nothing I can do about it.
I'm drifting away clueless as to what comes next.
I've reached absolute zero, I feel empty and alone, a corpse of my former self. Doubt took over me, I can't believe in myself anymore, I'm falling appart by the second.
But I keep going, with no clear end in sight, but fueled by the last string of sanity that keeps me from breaking down.