Lost in translation
Lost in translation hope stories
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betweenthepages
betweenthepages Write from the heart and mind!
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
I was angry I was sad

Lost in translation

I was angry

I was sad

I was annoyed

I was regretting my decisions

But never once did I ever regret YOU

I said some things that I regret

Wrote somethings I wish I could take back

Told you something's in the wrong order

Tried to make you feel better but in the end, I only made you feel worse.

I wish I could say sorry

But I don't have it in me anymore

I'm scared of how you would react if I told you the whole story

How I've liked you since last year, almost like love at first sight

I tried to be close to you as much as I could

Trying every excuse to get to work with you

Chipping away your layers one by one

Learning something new with each passing day

But never really letting you know me is probably my biggest regret.

For I feared how you would react

I feared how I would react

If what usually happens would happen again.

If the attraction I began to treasure would fade the moment I told you about it or if it would intensify

Even if all I ever really wanted was a few stolen moments and some hand-holding and cuddling.

I was afraid.

I was afraid of what would happen

So I avoided telling you, trying to figure out for my self if it was friendship or something else.

Luckily it was the later, but I figured it out far too late

After I told a few too many people I was questioning how I thought of you

After we started dating

After we had already broken up and I told you some partial truths.

I told you how it started to fade

when really it never did

I told you I don't think I actually wanted to kiss you

But really I did

I lied and I hurt you in the process

I hate what I did

I wish I could restart it all

Never tell you and hope it would somehow go away

Sadly I know it's still here

I wish I could get rid of it but I don't think I can

At least not yet

Even if I would feel a thousand times better without it

I wish I could tell you the truth

The whole truth but I know I can't

I feel like I'm broken

As if my emotions really are a black cloud

Except this black cloud destroys everything good.

You were good

No, you were great

You helped me understand so much

You lit up my sky

You taught me so much

I only wish I didn't think so much

Ask so many questions

Go to others for advice

If only my thoughts didn't always get lost in translation

If only I could tell you

How I lied

How I really did like you perhaps even love you

I just have a stupid way of showing it

I'm not overly touchy

I did like complimenting you

But I'm too inexperienced and underconfident

So I stopped going based on how I feel

And started going by what others have deemed the right way to do things

I stopped showing you more about me and started to build my walls again

But I cannot forget that you learned a lot about yourself

You've become brighter since that day

But we also avoided each other like the plague today

Sure we talked when with friends but that's it

I wish it wasn't so awkward

I only hope that one day we can get back to being friends

Maybe we can put all this behind us

Or maybe if I ever tell you

You can help me figure out what really is wrong with me

So that never again will my thoughts get lost in translation

Maybe I will learn to embrace love instead of fearing it

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