S.A.M.W.A.F.S. flashfiction-darkcomedy stories

bernardtwindwil Granddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
Autoplay OFF   •   3 years ago
This is an insane idea that a friend who was a disc jockey for the Armed Forces Vietnam Radio Network and myself made up over several nights on Marble Mountain in Vietnam. I can't remember if we were chemically impaired. I do know that we were stark raving mad. We gave it the name and everything. The acronym means nothing it is just jibberish that we were subjected to 24/7.


by bernardtwindwil

Deputy Ruling Consul's chambers 0700 hrs

"This should be taken care of at my office. I need to verify a great deal." "Be quick sir, timing is everything."

Consular Command Center 0830 hrs

"I have aa flash message from the Ruling Consul , porphyry one. Please confirm original source." "Yes, sir confirming now....confirmed." "Everybody out but Senior Controller"

Consular Command Center 1500 hrs

"Sir, reports from all Ruling Districts report detonators 1As have been replaced by 3As." "Did anyone question it?" "No sir it was routine maintenance." "At 0600 Operation S.A.M.W.A.F.S. hot"

Central Dissemination Station 0600 hrs

"Make the announcement S.A.M.W.A.F.S. protocol in all languages" "Sir, the information is out and there is chatter confirmation." "Sir, can I go be with my wife and children. "You may. Thanks"

S.A.M.W.A.F.S. Protocol Announcement

The conditions are in effect to implement S.A.M.W.A.F.S. As you all know the planet as deteriorated below the level compatible with life. Your Chief Ruling Consul bids you all a tearful adieu.

S.A.M.W.A.F.S. implementation.

​The demolitions have been set in 10,000 thermonuclear devices to explode simultaneously killing all of the earth's inhabitants instantly and painlessly as Earth is no longer habitable.

S.A.M.W.A.F.S. Execution

The demolitions will explode at Coordinated Universal Time 72 hrs after 0900 hrs UCT this morning. You are encouraged to engage in your most pleasurable pursuits until then.

Deputy Ruling Consul's chambers 2000 hrs

"Sir, one, question, please? "You may inquire, Roger" "The flash message I confirmed was a Super S.A.M.W.A.F.S." "That is correct Roger." "What does the Super part mean?"

Deputy Ruling Consul's chambers 20015 hrs

"What does the "Super" mean?" "I will tell you but we will have to lock down so you may not leave." "I'll agree to that, sir, I have nowhere to go" 'It's a long story son bring the bottle"

Deputy Ruling Consul's chambers 2000 hrs

"Let me distill this sir. We don't really blow up the world but everyone thinks we're going to. So 72 hrs of heavy partying and doing what they always wanted to do." "Then what? "​

Deputy Ruling Consul's chambers 0600 hrs

"Sir, I am no longer drunk, just hung over. What happens if the world doesn't blow up." "The Ruling Consuls evaluates whether there have been sufficient permamnent changes made.

Consular Command Center 0700 hrs

"We are now in evaluation stage P1." "Roger that sir. So, what happens if they don't meet these standards?" "That is where the biggest practical joke in history takes place."

Consular Command Center 1200 hrs

"What is the big practical joke, sir?" "Well son, when they have failed the planet , we allow them to get comfortable again start enjoying life, we blow it all to hell."

Consular Command Center 1600 hrs

"The uncollated reports are pouring into the Correlation and Analysis Center Which ones do you want to see sir?" "Give me East Asia, Western Europe, and North America."

Consular Command Center 1600 hrs

"Roger, these reports look like we are failing the planet miserably" "Roger, send these forward non-compiled."

Consular Command Center 1200 hrs 4 days later

"Sir it has been over 72 hrs and the condition is disastrous." "Yes, Roger, insert your key and turn the light red." "Red sir." "Good-bye Roger."

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