I am constantly torn between "living life to its full extent and having fun because life is too short" and "making a foundation for myself to be prepared in life." It's not an easy choice.
Why does life have so many choices. I wish it was simple. I wish I could wake up one day and have a clear mind of what to do. The worst part is I feel like I'm the only one going through this.
I know i'm not but it feels like everyone else is a non playable character and i'm stuck still trying to figure out the game. My friends my family even my boyfriend.
They all seem to have at least some kind of idea of what's going on. I have no clue. I take my medication daily and just sit and wait for it to kick in. Life seems so meaningless.
When will I get to be a NPC. Everyday I have to sit and wait. I sit and wait for the day to be over hoping the next will bring me some sort of comfort.
Am I waiting for nothing? Im always waiting i'm tired of waiting. I want to get up I want to be happy I want to find comfort and have some sort of idea as to what the fuck is going on.
Why cant I be happy why can't I just wake up and be happy why can't I be happy why me? Nothing makes sense. It's hard to imagine anything ever will. I miss when I was a kid.
When I could wake up to my mom singing in the kitchen and effortlessly join her. Now I stay in bed.
I watch home videos and cry uncontrollably wishing more than anything I could just be that little girl again. She was so happy.