I remember everything.
I remember being shot.
I remember the pain, the searing hot pain. I remember falling. I remember it all!
I remember the blood pouring onto the floor, and you holding me so tight, as if you could save me with your love for me.
But how can I admit it out loud? If I admit I know what happened, I must admit I know the words you said to me.
I love you, you said, Rick. I love you. Three single words that shook my world even more than bullets or pain ever could.
I love you, you told me, and my life was turned upside down.
I still don't know how to react, and so I pretend I don't remember, even if I do, even if it's burnt in my mind forever.
I love you too, Richard Castle. I love you, but I can't risk opening up to you, I can't risk getting closer. Because when I love someone, they get hurt and I end up alone.
It's better to keep everyone at arm's length.
So yes, I remember... but I'm not going to let you know I do.