I yearn to be more than an obligation. A person who is wanted first and feels sought out and satisfied. For so long, all I have ever been is second best if at all. Never THE best.
I'm just a second rate friend and lover; I fear no one will adore me as I do them. For once in my life I want this nagging feeling to be gone from my chest, this unwanted leech of self loathing.
Please just let me go, before it drains me to death. As I look to my bed it reaches back to me beckoning me to stay, forever.
Yet it feels like each morning I wake up is another jail sentence until I can be back in my bed unconscious from this pain.
The way everything aches when people talk in admiration of the people they love reminds me that I will NEVER have someone feel that for me.
I am just a shadow of a person, all black and never detaching myself from people who desperately want to be free of me.
I cling to what I know, terrified of the unknown chasm that awaits to swallow me whole. There is no brighter side