The nightmare about my old job was more straightforward. I didn't want to go back there. I felt like I had sold my soul when I agreed to return.
I woke in a cold sweat, utterly terrified as my room shifted into focus around me. My racing heart slowed when I realized it was only a dream. I would never return to that miserable existence.
So why did I have a nightmare about being at college? I loved my dorm room where I sat in the all too familiar dream haze. I chatted with a teammate.
We had to attend at least one charity event before the season ended. Plus, there was the holiday party. For what holiday I had no idea.
We were nearing Halloween, but holiday party implies winter holidays. I shook my head in confusion, staring at our text conversation. My eyes couldn't focus for long.
I had discovered ages ago the sensation was the same as waking in the middle of the night and adjusting to a sudden bright light.
That uncomfortable feeling plagued every dream where I tried to look too closely at something. If I discovered a strange detail, I would realize it was a dream and wake myself.
I wanted to go to a blood drive. It counted as a charity event. Yet, I had already attended one.
Why didn't I tell my teammate I didn't need to go to a charity event anymore? Because she still needed to attend one? I can't stand blood.
However, I was determined to watch as much blood being drawn as possible. Well, I did just have my blood drawn at the doctor's so the connection is there.
Maybe it also symbolizes me facing all my problems head on. All I know is I would never willing stare down blood in the waking world.
Holiday party. I have nothing to wear to a holiday party. I searched my closet, meticulously sorting through every article of clothing. I couldn't remember buying anything in it.
Most of it looked like it came from the early 2000s - a true nightmare. I pulled out an ugly Christmas sweater.
This might do, but what if it's actually a Halloween party? I didn't have a costume. I went to check my text messages, I had several new ones.
Hours had passed while I was rummaging in my closet. I couldn't believe it and said so out loud. My roommate shrugged and said laundry was just like that sometimes.
Well that's a simple manifestation of my hatred of laundry.
Guess we can't make the blood drive, one text read. The next: Hello, are you there? A few texts later: You can come over now if you want, then we can head over to the party.
It was nine pm now and I hadn't eaten. Strange. I texted back: When should we leave for the party?
I didn't want to go at all. Dream me knew as well as waking me that I hate parties. Yet, I felt compelled to go. I had already dodged every other party my team threw that year.
My teammate was quick to point out it was starting to seem like I wasn't even part of the team anymore. Well of course in the waking world I'm not. I've graduated. No more team.
I woke relieved there wasn't actually a party. The relief was quickly replaced by concern. Why did I have a nightmare about college?
I puzzled over it until I sat down to write this. The answer seems simple now. I've moved on. I'm finally happy where I am. I no longer yearn for the past happiness of my college days.
I'm not where I want to be yet, but I'm back on the right path.
The nightmares confirm I'm moving in the direction of my dreams.