What Does It Mean To Be A Friend? (Title)
What Does It Mean To Be A Friend? (Title) about me stories

arivers610 Just another hopeless writer
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
I wonder how long it will take this time till I feel like I deserve friends again...maybe I won't bother this time. Ah these late night thoughts

What Does It Mean To Be A Friend? (Title)

When I was in 5th grade I didn’t know what depression was I just knew that I didn’t want to get out of bed and face my many tormentors who sometimes called themselves my best friends

I came home one day laid down in the snow and screamed at the top of my lungs that I wanted to die as my friends walked away laughing that year i spent more time in the guidance counselors office than I did in my desk that was purposely pushed into the corner of the room and that's is where it stayed

because I was tired of trying

When I was in 6th grade I knew what depression was I knew why I didn’t want to get out of bed so I didn’t face my tormentors who were also my friends I stayed at home telling everything to my closest friend who turned out to be my worst tormentor

and every word I said was spread around my school passed back and forth on pieces of paper and typed into chat rooms with screen names

that are long forgotten now

In 7th and 8th grade I kept the same friends hung out in a group that I forced myself into but was never actually a part of I gained new tormentors because they were no longer friends my definition of a friend became someone who let me sit at their lunch table

instead of eating in the bathroom

In 9th and 10th grade there were days when I didn’t leave my bed weeks when I didn’t step foot into school months where I didn’t talk to anyone

and when I did I didn’t know where those words were going to end up once they left my mouth because once they left my mouth they weren’t my words anymore the feelings no longer belonged to me they were on display for everyone to see and hear and laugh at the girl

who can’t get out of bed

These were my friends the people I trusted and ever since my idea my definition of what it means to be a friend has been warped and I thought that image was clear again after so many years of trying to fix that word and now it’s gone and

I’m not sure it will ever come back.

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