Typically taking a shower is refreshing and all this great. Wash your problems away and have a clean fresh start to another day, right? Not today. Today the only thing on my mind was you.
I tried washing my hair and I just couldn't muster up the strength in my arms so I hit my head against the wall instead,
hoping that if I hit it hard enough in just the right spot, the thought of you would disappear from my brain.
I found myself on the shower floor hugging my knees, my every tear getting lost among the water droplets falling down on my face. I don't know how long I've been here.
I got dressed and brushed my teeth as I normally would,
but it just seemed so out of place without you saying that you love how curly my hair is when it's wet or how the scent of my lotion is something you just can't get enough of.
As I'm making my tea I think of the first time I said "I love you" and how truly terrified I was, but knowing that no matter what your response was, no matter what your feelings were,
I wouldn't care and I'd be okay with it because at least now you knew and I would no longer feel like I was hiding something or like I was lying to you.
And believe me, I know times are hard and sometimes everything can just feel so damn heavy.
I also know that when you feel you're going to collapse under the weight of it all, a little reassurance can lift the burden. There's just something so cathartic in being told that you're loved.
Sometimes it just feels so crazy you know, the power these three tiny words have over us.
I always knew that no matter the outcome the reality that I got to feel these things for you was purely incredible.
Loving you now and having loved you then has been the most euphoric and mind opening experience. I never knew I was capable of loving like that, so purely and wholeheartedly.
It's beautiful, really it is. And no matter what happens and no matter where I end up, I am so damn thankful for having known you.
For having felt this for you. For loving you no matter how great the distance. I'm so grateful for having met you.
And if you ever find yourself on the shower floor, I hope you can bring yourself to remember those feelings as well.
And I hope you can find comfort in knowing how unbelievably special you are to me and how much you changed my life. And that I will always hold you so near and dear to my heart.