Man On a First Date; Fear

Man On a First Date; Fear thought stories

aramis Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   2 months ago
meditations on first meetings and analyses of the self. unbridled consciousness.

Man On a First Date; Fear

I'm afraid of the acne scars on my cheeks, I'm afraid my shirt wasn't pressed well enough, I'm afraid there are visible boogers hanging from my nose hairs, I'm afraid my pecs aren't popping enough in this fucking idiotic striped shirt.

I'm afraid that my haircut reveals my mortality in the recessions of the hairline - I'm afraid you're out of my league, I'm afraid you're too pretty for me, I'm afraid you don't care when I speak, I'm afraid my nods of agreement aren't enough to stimulate you.

I'm afraid the look in your eyes is pity; I'm afraid you think I'm just your brother. I'm afraid that God is real and I've failed them; I'm afraid of my father's opinion of me, I'm afraid my sister hates me, I'm afraid that my mother is going to die soon.

I'm afraid to stand up and leave this table, I'm afraid to face you, I'm afraid of the truth; I'm afraid to tell you anything real anymore. I'm afraid I'll forget how to smile, I'm afraid I already have; I'm afraid that I've lost the ability to love myself - I'm afraid I'll lose the ability to love at all.

I'm afraid that this poem became about myself and not him - I'm afraid to continue writing.

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