It's all going to be okay. Something I told myself, day after day. He's going to make it, it's going to be fine. There's always something we can do.
Little did I want to admit and face the pain that he was holding in. He still kissed me goodnight, and he still cuddled in the sheets. I saw it as a hope, a chance of survival. A fight.
But little did I know, he wasn't saying that it's going to be okay. He was saying goodbye...
As he brushed his face against my cheek, I told him, "You're going to survive this little man." But he only replied with a slight kiss --
"What's surviving without living?" "What's being alive whilst feeling dead." "My time has come, my song has been sung."
"So remember me when you're feeling down, but not this version of me, not me here and now."
"The me who'd keep you awake all night, asking for food." "The me running about with my wonky legs, and falling when I went too fast."
"The me you saved as a little kitten, when nobody wanted me at all."
"The me you cried for when I walked all by myself after that painful crash."
"The me you know best."
"The pain free, happy, crazy cat. Who'll always be your Fudgy Pudgy. " "Because I was a fatty, and I liked it that way. "
So don't cry with sorrow when the sun rises tomorrow. Grab yourself a hot coffee and start your day anew. Sing your favourite song and take the world with both hands the way you always do."
And even when you call 'who wants yum yums'. Don't be sad that there's one bowl empty. Because I'm not in a bowl.
Nor the toys on the floor. I'm not outside talking to the birds. Nor am I on the bed asleep in dreams. I'm snuggled up just like this into your heart.
Purring along to your heart beat. That's what I'll do. Purring into my new adventure, the biggest adventure of them all! Death. For to die will be an awfully big adventure.
"But before I do finally pass, please do something for me?" he asked. I replied with a tear falling down my cheek "Anything my little man, anything at all."
"Tell my brothers and sisters I'll love them." "They won't know that I'm not coming home, so please just let them know." " That I love them so much."
"I will" I replied. "But please before you go. " "Know that you've left a paw print on my heart, bigger than the moon." "I love you so much."
Goodnight little man. Goodnight.
IN LOVING MEMORY OF FUDGE HARWOOD 2010 - 2017