sadness

Life sucks and so do I . Just another day life ,physically present and mentally absent . Imagining things as they consume my mind . Word are having a hard leave or find .

Sulking with a heavy heart . Crying like I am mute , blending in silence that surrounds me to comfort and suppress my sobs . Those tears that were anchored inside due to rationalism .

Every memory flowing like the pacific , designing paths as it travels down my face . Feeling of the hot tears explode only to give chills as the breeze Walks by not taking a another look .

Feeling of being lonely overcoming my senses . The storm just ended and I look at the sky for distraction from the thought I had moments ago

Seeing the sky is not at all amusing but it always finds a way to conflict my thoughts by its natural beauty .

Not many stars that's what I always think but its darkness different from the room corner . Its much more hopeful than horrifying .

looking at this plain black canvas gives all my imagination to flow on as they are some paints and I am a painter .

The imagination is blur not as vivid due to the lack of color in my life, lack of shk , lack of mining luce .

As I look , the memories I try to avoid in the waking like, finds a way to come back . Its like a jab of knife in the heart .

It hits the heart multiple times causing the heart to bleed and becoming a void of darkness . Its empty . nothing , everything and every part of my body feels numb .

Nothing registering my mind . My eyes tired from the tears and voice cracking as I sob quietly this is the second time I cried without even a proper break .

I get up from the place I was sitting to look outside the window . I walk lazily still adjusting to the emptiness .

I take the bottle of water as I chug it whole because of the lack of appetite the whole day . The water seems cold same as a the rooms . "Chilly " I think .

My stomach feels cool and empty but not as much because of the water .

I glance at the room, something about it is makes me scared but then I turn my head not wasting any time; I flop on the bed .

It feels nice .

but the darkness around it brings thoughts i am too tired of dwelling on , a small tear slowly forming and flowing down my face ,

my conscious following the path but this time when I remember these things a small smile formed in the corner of my lips accepting reality but denying it at the same time.

i sleepily close my eyes hoping that this is a dream and hoping that I don't feel like going to a therapist ,hoping everything is fine , hoping to find a reason for life .

Hoping to find me in myself , soon enough I fall asleep as these thoughts consume my whole energy .