This fuck-up happened many years ago.
I went to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner for the first time. Everything was going pretty good until I grabbed a bottle of salad dressing off the table and shook it up.
The lid was loose, and it flew off as I was shaking the bottle. Salad dressing spewed all over the fucking dining room. It was everywhere.
On the wall, on her Mom's sweater, on the chandelier, on her Dad's hair-everywhere. Everybody sat there in stunned silence, and I reacted (clearly in shock) by saying: "Unbelievable.
Not even a drop on my fucking salad."