I'm a single guy and whenever my daughter asks what I want as a present, I always say she should bring me back a pretty girlfriend.
It's like a running joke with her usual response being "she better not be prettier than me"
Anyway I was recently really ill with tonsilitis. Like the most ill I've ever been as an adult, and after a week of it I decided to go to the docs to get some antibiotics.
We're the waiting room of the surgery and daughter is reading through the magazines.
She's holding up pictures of different women asking me "how bout that one Dad? or that one, or that one" I'm like "what for?" thinking she means hairstyles.
She comes and whispers in my ear "for a new girlfriend" (bless her).
I tell her magazine people are not real and she needs to find me a real person to be my girlfriend.
And that I would be really silly if I cut one of them out, put it in my pocket and told everyone that she was my girlfriend!
While we're having this stupid conversation a large elderly woman shuffles across the waiting room and sits opposite us. She remarks about daughter and how cute & well behaved she is....
daughter looks at her, then at me, then back at her and says, as loud as anything....
"YOU CAN'T HAVE HER AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND, SHE EATS TOO MUCH!!!"
...before I had even processed what she just said, the stunned silence was broken by people giggling in the background, and the woman just "hmmphd" and turned away before I could apologise.
( I did say sorry)