June 6th 201710:38amLast night I was up late late late because I was writing out a lesson plan for my employer.
Because I’m doing this whole inpatient thing I can’t actually teach my creative writing classes. There are only two left.
That’s a bummer because I hate to leave a bad impression of myself and the rec center I am doing these classes through,
so I thought that If I created a lesson plan and shared it with my employer (WHO I STILL HAVEN’T HEARD BACK FROM *CRINGE* AND THE CLASS IS TOMORROW *DOUBLE CRINGE*) maybe she could find a sub,
anybody, who can run the class. I created the worksheets and everything. The downside being I am hella’ tired this morning.
Though I may still function fairly normally I know I’m not at prime levels of functioning though for various reasons.
Evidence #1I used the word “function” both as a noun and verb form in the same sentence. And the word “though” unnecessarily.
I guess I have these weird blips in the English language all the time, but I’m, just sayin!Evidence #2I am convinced everyone hates me. This is not true (I think) and very problematic.
I have these thoughts.
At breakfast today I decided to copy Juno girl’s food technique of cutting a banana into tiny slices length-wise and then picking up a slice with your spoon,
scooping a tiny bit of the peanut butter from it’s package and savoring the flavors together.“Oh god she might think I’m annoying for copying her.” I thought.
She was sitting directly to my right so I meekly announced in her general direction. “I’m copying your banana technique I hope you don’t mind.”That was too long of a silence.
“I used the word “technique” that can’t be good. It makes it sound like I’m trying to restrict.
I’m not restricting! I’m making the meals last longer since I have to sit here for fifty minutes!”Juno girl made a noise, something quiet and affirming.
Not long after party/lovely nurse said “I want to make an announcement about banana and peanut butter. Please put your peanut butter on your banana and don’t cut them up into small pieces.
I noticed some of you have been struggling with that.”“God damn it. Now I’ve done it.” Thought I.
But Juno girl still laughed and smiled at my jokes and still found a way to take small bites of banana and so it was fine, really.
But later when we were setting goals and the girls were asking other girls about making group plans for recreation “Want to play cards later?” “Want to do Wii?
” I wasn’t asked, and I thought for sure people hate me.It’s not true of course.People like me. I’m playing ukulele in the band “Scrape out your containers” we’ve formed.
I’m sure if I was asked I would be included but my brain still insists on generating these negative thoughts. Therefore I put out a hostile vibe and people actually do end up not liking me.
It’s happened before.I need sleep.I need to pee. They’re opening the door for the bathroom soon!Got to go!