So here I am again. Same place as always, no sound but my annoying fan. Making laps of air that at this moment do not make it any easier to breathe.
The love is being lost, but not in a natural way , not given time but being forced out of bed without time to even rub my eyes and adjust. It feels like a truck hitting you.
And depriving you of air, like your lungs are going through the worst asthma attack of your life. Why do I do this to myself. I dont understand why I continuously get myself hurt. Why I care.
How I care. It makes me mad losing my emotions, and giving away the last bit of me to someone that has no intention on taking care of it.
Every time something like this happens I actually feel my heart rip. And I’m not being some stupid poet at 3am who’s lonely talking about wishing he was here. I wish that I was gone.
I feel my bones ache, my jaw clench, my eyes swell. I feel it like its the only thing I’m able to feel anymore. Just pain.
I feel happiness but its short lived and life will always smack me in the face when it is using me. like a wake up call saying “hey you ugly bitch, here I am to fuck up your life. Again.
and again”. So its 2:51am, and I’m still breathing and it hurts so much that I wish I just could stop. It hurts so much that even breathing doesn’t seem manageable anymore.