I'm tired of my family telling me that the worst thing in the world is losing everyone close to you.
Everyone that's "close to me" feels farther away than death from the perception of an ignorant child. Recently, I haven't been able to talk to anyone without feeling distant.
Instead of having conversations, the words that I try to carry to these people fall onto the floor only to be swept up and thrown away.
I've been talking to myself in the mirror, trying to be there for me.
I've stayed up nights thinking how I could say things differently or act in a way that would attract someone new who would listen to what I have to say.
Last night I had dinner with my parents. They ordered a bottle of wine and told me to drink. I had a glass, and they had the bottle and another bottle.
I told them I was going to kill myself while they were laughing hysterically about a joke about a guy who walked into a bar.
The worst thing in the world is not losing everyone close to you. The worst thing in the world is when you're dying in front of the people who love you without them noticing.