They say a heart can love more than once, but what happens when someone owns your heart, how can you love after that? With what will you love? Her family says I’m lucky, that I got to say goodbye, but I don’t feel lucky, her last moments I was there, I saw the ending, and I just feel that if I hadn’t, then just maybe I wouldn’t always think about that one moment.
A two minute and thirty-four second long memory plays in my head over an over out of 7 years’ worth of memories, I saw the end, the big picture, but it’s the details in a picture that are the real sight.
The five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The world missed a stage, stage zero, not grieving at all, I don’t grieve her, denial, anger, depression it’s all so many emotions when I can barely show one. I’m hardly functioning as it is. All I can do is breathe and reminisce.
I’m in my head all the time, it’s the only pace I can be with her. I don’t know how to go about my life when she was my life. The air around me feels so thick like I can hardly move through it. I can tell what’s real and what’s not, and I hate it, because I know this is all real, I’ll never hold her again, hear her voice, or see her smile.
She doesn’t exist anymore, only in memory, and that’s the only way I can live in a world without her in it, because in my world, in my head, she will always exist.
Writers Notes: That's it for now. Want to know if i should keep writing it. Please give feedback. :) Thxs