I think it's really important that girls help girls.
Sure, that's obvious, but it's true. There's something special about the way that two drunk women can meet in a nightclub bathroom and, five minutes later, be the best of friends.
It's an honest-to-God sisterhood. We share makeup, complement each other's style, add one another on social media. But, what's most important is that we protect each other.
There are some real creeps out there.
Take, for instance, the other night. I was freshening up in the ladies’ room of this dive bar, when this one girl stumbled in, completely wasted.
Apparently, Olivia was on a blind date that wasn't going so well. Poor thing got the impression that the guy expected her to put out, and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Ugh, men.
She tried to act calm, but I could tell that she was stalling to avoid returning to her table. Together, we chatted about life while I fixed her disarrayed hair and she sobered up.
After about 20 minutes, I decided it was finally time to get Olivia out of there. Locking my arm around hers, I marched us to a nearby bouncer and informed him of our situation.
Under his watchful eye, I called Olivia a taxi. I noticed her date shooting me daggers from across the club, but he seemed to get the message, and didn't approach us.
Before long, Olivia was safely bundled into a cab and slurring gratitude at me through the window.
"You're such a doll...I love you so much babe..." she mumbled blearily, eyes half-shut, as the cab pulled away. I just smiled and reminded her to text me when she got home.
The saddest part of drunk-girl-D&Ms is never finding out what happened to the girl afterwards. Thankfully, that's not the case for Olivia and I.
I already know that her cab arrived at the docks shortly after 2am. I know that she was greeted by an assortment of men who, I'm sure, made her feel very welcome.
I know that, as a virgin, she'll be sold for an exceedingly high price. She was a pretty one too- had an exotic look to her. I'm sure she'll fetch me and the boys a lot of money.
Once again, I'd like to reiterate how important it is that girls help girls.
I'm in the business of helping myself.