Don't Fastforward
Don't Fastforward stories
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Do you know what advertisers hate? When people don't watch their ads. They spend millions of dollars writing pithy slogans, hiring A-list actors and artiste directors, focus-testing to ensure applicability across all demographics – and then you hit fastforward,
By TeslaToth https://www.reddit.com/r/...

Don't Fastforward

by TeslaToth

Do you know what advertisers hate? When people don't watch their ads.

They spend millions of dollars writing pithy slogans, hiring A-list actors and artiste directors, focus-testing to ensure applicability across all demographics – and then you hit fastforward,

and all that money is wasted.

So naturally,

when smartphone and television manufacturers began embedding retina scanners in their screens (ostensibly as a security feature) advertisers seized on the opportunity to track your eye movements.

Tonight my family's watching *The Walking Dead*, but every commercial break, if one of us leaves to use the bathroom or looks away to check our texts, the commercial pauses.

It only restarts once all our eyes are again pinned to the screen.

Now we don't even get up to answer the phone. A cavalcade of firetrucks and ambulances blared by ten minutes ago, and everyone hissed when I dared to look out the window.

My brother came home from work, and instead of greeting him, we called out a simultaneous, passionless, “Hiiii Maaaark.”

I guess it makes the viewing experience more immersive, since you have no choice but to invest your full attention.

Of course, that means noticing all the plot-holes you might've otherwise overlooked. For example, I've never understood how zombie outbreaks first occur.

Individually, zombies are sluggish and stupid. They're only dangerous in groups – but where did those groups come from?

It's almost like everyone was distracted, blissfully unaware of the zombies creeping up behind them until it was too late. Stupid television logic.

I can hear Mark slowly stumbling through the dark to join us. Hopefully he remembers to keep his eyes on the screen.

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