The worst feeling in the world is feeling emotions that you have no control over. I want to be happy, but there is always something keeping me from feeling that way. I blame myself for everything bad that has ever happened in my life.
Maybe if I said "Hi" to her today she wouldn't have killed herself. I should have taken the other hallway to my next class those girls were looking at me weird again. How come they're so perfect. Such beauty. I want to look away, but I can't.
Maybe if I ate less I'd be their size. Maybe if I wore makeup I'd be pretty like them. Maybe if I acted sluttily I'd get those boys attention for once. Maybe if I was happier my friends wouldn't leave me. Maybe if I wasn't such a fucking disappointment my parents would believe me.
I'm tired of people. There is no such thing as a good person, we only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. If you don't like the way I talk then don't listen to me. If you don't like my face then don't fucking look at me. I'm tired of all the people in the world thinking that they're better than everyone. We are all the same shit being brought into the world and taken out.
It doesn't matter what bad things you do on Earth because when you die there's nothing. Emptiness. Darkness. Though people who are used to it don't mind it because their time on Earth was even more fucked up. My words are my own and so is my opinion. There is usually one person we all can relate to, I have my one person. The only one who gets me.
He is the only one that I can talk to, and at the end of all my talking, he'll believe me. Even though we don't share the same demons, he's seen my pain. I wish I could hug him and tell him how important he is in my life.
I hope you'll read this, and if you do I want you to know that I'm so grateful and glad that you are here on this earth. Without you who knows which level of hell I'd be in right now. Probably the 6th for committing. If there is such thing as a God which none of us are for sure. Then this man is surely an angel sent down to save me.