you are not shattered.
you are not shattered. shattered stories
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andidisappeared
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for the people without a family to celebrate the holidays with.

you are not shattered.

so the memories make you feel cold just as your home used to be so warm. but now you're not really sure where home is if there is one for you at all. if there is a family left that you can turn to when the night pulls itself closer and time pushes you farther into your own loneliness and the new and distant year.

in the grayness of the morning light you look in the cracked mirror and blink and think: shattered is what your family is, is what it has been for long enough that the memories might as well be shards of glass that stick into you at the most painful of times, stinging and glittering, reminders of what once was and what is now broken.

and in the reflection of those fragments you wonder if they're also a reflection of you, and if you were ruined when your family was ruined and destroyed. suddenly standing alone makes you feel so fragile, you might as well be the splinters of your old self and lay on the ground catching the light, shining pain into others' eyes.

but what you need to realize is that you could never be broken and lay in pieces when you are here and real with me right now: you could not be destroyed like the images that live in mirrors, because you live outside the mirror: don't you see? you are the freedom of a body that is warm, and dynamic, and complete.

you are not the image, you are the image's origin. you are not the negative of the photo, you are the three-dimensional focus of your own film. your family may be broken and scattered, and it will never be put back together in the same way. but you are still not the collision damage that was hit by the destruction and is now only wreckage.

the glimpses of what used to be do not reflect what you are now and what you can make yourself. you are not shattered. maybe you've lost pieces of yourself, as is expected when you are strong enough to live through catastrophe but you are standing, still, and can look in the mirror at someone braver.

and you may feel alone sometimes, in the dark and during moments of remembrance but the fireworks going off to mark the new year cause shivers and booms in your chest and that proves you're still alive and can look in the mirror and stare at yourself and think: i am not reflected by the state of my family but by my own wholeness.

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