rewind.
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Autoplay OFF  •  2 months ago

rewind.

by andidisappeared

I wish I could rewind the VHS tape on which your story plays: Press a button, and bring the scene back to the moment you stood by the railings, just about to fall,

And I wish I could press a button, and pause the screen there Then play it all backwards, and see you roll back from the edge, stop, and decide that you liked living more;

Then I would set the speed to four, and watch you drop down the steps that lead up to the bridge, with your eyes changing colors like a light were being turned on and off in your head--

Watch you back your way home in the stillness, shoulders tightening under the weight of the night air and the violent lashing storm in your chest that you had wanted to escape,

Make the tape spin faster, and lead you toward your front door--enter, soundlessly, shrug off your armor, and drift up to your room and close the door and lay down and stare at nothing for hours:

Deliberating. I wish, God, I wish I could watch as you lay still and heavy until the night brightened into afternoon, and you left the house to back your way up to the end of the school day

Sat through the classes as the clock rewound its skewed hands, until you spit out the lunch you had tried to force down: then watch as you gathered up your things and trudged

Back home in the washed-out light of morning. I would rewind your day, slow it down... make you sling your backpack up on the door handle again, take off your school uniform, and sit back in bed

Then pause the screen forever, and just have you stay like that: Sleepy and soft, just awake enough in the blue morning light To face a day of possibilities, a day where you could do anything

And I would have your story stop there: At a moment when your life could have gone in any direction-- Any direction

But the one your tape really ended in. God, I would rewind just to have you stay there, awake and ready for anything Like you were when the very first tape of you was made, and you were born

Ready to go And take on the universe.

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