The bed, the empty chair, the walking stick
Stays untouched in the room, I realised they're non living things!
It was your magic, your spark that put life in it
But as you left, I understood what being lifeless is!
I keep thinking about you, to at least meet you in my dreams
But its been months, since I have had a good night sleep
I was becoming numb so now i write to express my feelings
I also had thoughts to hang myself up to the ceiling
Screw that I even considered selling my soul to the demons
But nah granny your grandson is no more a weakling
what struck me was what if heaven and hell are the real deal!?
Then if I go to hell I am sure we'd never meet!!!
That would mess things up and I'm sure it'd turn you sad
I know avoiding death wasn't something in your hands
Its just me granny, a lot of things still affect the state of my mind
I still question my decision, whether denying ventilator was right?
You were already in pain and the survival chance was light
I did it for you as I sensed you'd already lost the fight
I did it coz I sensed your pain was beyond new heights
I did it coz I sensed you won't make it with all your might
But still gran, I want you to meet me once and tell me its alright
Son, you did it for me, son you did it right
And I don't wanna make you sad ever again
I'd never wish to see you ever in that kind of pain
So imma stand up for myself so you smile
Continue your journey to afterlife and I know you'd do fine
I promise you Granny, I will keep missing you
Always keep you in my heart, till the next time I see you
Next time I'd be a better grandson I promise
I know you're proud of me even now, but I'd give you even prouder moments!!
Its been two years and every day is still a challenge.
You've left me and I haven't recovered yet from the damage.
I feel you around me but we cannot talk anymore.
Neither you visit me in the dreams nor you come knocking the door.
I haven't forgotten you though as I pray for your peace everyday
Yes, this atheist has become a theist these days.
I have stopped crying though as you'd be sad if you see me that way
But sometimes I just break down as its easier than dealing with pain .
The purpose of this poem isn't this rant and cries though
You know you've always been my valentine yo
You know? This week I bought a rose for your picture
And now the petals are gone and the thorns are hurting my fingers
I got a good news though that I am no more puffing the reefers
Nor am I dumped in a liquor or burning my lungs with a cigarette
I do nothing that adds up the rust to my wisdom
And its about time I'd prove this world I'm one in a million
Last thing, I don't want you to stick around to see if I am good
You gotta leave for the paradise and I have come in terms with this truth
So stop worrying about me Grandma, leave - you gotta rest easy
Talk to me in my dreams just in case you miss me.