For me in the future,
Honestly, when I decided to write this I didn't know what to write. Everything is too bad to be recalled, I don't want to write a letter for the future with a gloomy past.
I shut down my computer, I stopped, decided not to write anything for my future. This bad memory is like an endless nightmare.
but I am aware of one thing, "getting hurt can change you"
So, I am present in this letter, to bring you or me back, to a time when you or I have memories with wounds that have not fully improved ..
You have dreams that are great from childhood, you want to be a successful writer, present readers with all the theories about life that you have,
like movies on television based on real stories, that's what you want to present, in your writing.
Slowly you try it, then some of the stories that you present get good grades from the reader, then you think that your dreams can become real if you continue to hone them well.
Once, when you felt "this is the best year in life" they came to screw it up, you were still a teenager right? they messed up your family, you, and your dreams.
They say "this is mother" but you never feel the warm hug, "this is your family" but those who have thrown you away.
You feel weird right? So who have you lived with? Don't you think like that?
Then all of your dreams are destroyed, you live in the burden of thought to those who have cared for you, have embraced you all this time, you feel grateful but also very embarrassed,
you feel very grateful but you always feel unwanted.
That's how you live in your teens, a period that you should enjoy with your friends, instead you spend in your house, reflecting on what you have to do.
That's how you grow up, in your teens, you are required to be able to smile with pain that will never heal. Until you really stopped writing since then. Your dream is gone.
Nobody knows you have a great depression, not until you set your foot on a college level, you meet a man you can rely on, where you complain, where you say all the secrets of your life.
You feel safe, but your depression does not improve, the more you try to forget bad memories, the memories continue to bother you, until the man is tired of facing you,
you are always changing moods, often you are sad without knowing why.
You keep going to bed in the morning, because you have an anxiety disorder at night, you also can't work well, you screw it up again, in the college ...
"I want to die" it is your sentence that you always say when your depression recurs, when you realize that there is nothing going on around the world around you.
You have a childhood, a teenager, and a bitter adult.
You don't need to remember it if you don't want to.
You can forget it if it's your wish.
But that is just a word "if"
There is nothing you can forget, nothing at all.
Don't be like me, I hate myself so much right now, I feel I'm nobody, I want to die every day, I'm also no longer grateful for what I get every day.
For me in the future,
You must be able to forgive, you hate yourself, because you don't forgive.
Everything that makes you mess, which makes you hurt, you keep it, make them home in your heart.
You should let them go, by forgiving.
You never love yourself, you always think of other people, people around you, but you never think of yourself.
That is why I feel very difficult now, feeling that the world I have started is very chaotic.
I want you, my future,
keep walking on the road you trust,
achieve your own independence,
forgive the person who made you hurt,
go out into the world out there,
reach your dreams, and smile broadly
Because your world is waiting for you ...
For me in the future, this is me now. I have worked hard, it's time to rest ...