Everything is really hazy, I look around and hear voices,
"No, no, not my sweet little Xiao!" I see a woman crying
2 boys and a man sit next to her, on the ground is a small girl.
Suddenly pain racks through me I cry out in pain but no sound comes out.
Everything turns black again,
I see the same girl, Xiao sitting in a huge garden,
Then again in the kitchens
With the man and woman
The 2 boys,
I see her everywhere!
The visions swirl around faster and faster, causing great pain.
I cry out, scream, and beg for it to stop, but no sound escapes me.
I cry, I scream but nothing happens.
I'm stuck, In pain, I can not speak, I can not cry, or scream, I can do nothing but feel pain and suffering.
I curl up into a ball, pain, unbearable pain, everywhere and nowhere at once.
Noises, sounds, but not mine.
Laughter, happiness, but not mine.
I stay there, blocking out the pain, the sounds, the noise.
Everything stops, the noise, the pain, everything.
And I'm in blackness, nothing, everything, nowhere, everywhere.
I wake up and look around,
A woman is sitting right beside me, she looks up with tear filled eyes, “Xiao? Xiao! XIAO!” she cry’s happily
I give a tiny smile and start to cry, huge sobs rake across my body, tears engulf me, sorrow unfolds, I’m lost, despair, gloom, sorrow
I cry and cry, I go numb in pain, sorrow, despair, I curl up in a ball, I couldn’t let the sorrow over take me, I can’t, I ca- I cant think
This pain, this numbing pain overwhelms me, I’m in pain, sorrow, sadness, despair, everything, it’s to much
Mother gasps loudly overnight her mouth with a hand. She starts to tear up, she comes over and hugs me tightly. “My darling daughter!”
“My dear, dear, child!” She says crying “I love you! I love you!” “Xiao, I love you! I love you!”
“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you” mother says over and over again, squeezing me tightly, engulfed in a hug!
Matsuzaki Xue Longwei Rushes in, closely followed by Matsuzaki Deng Meng and Matsuzaki Hou Ai.
“Darling, boys, be quiet she’s sleeping” I tell them Concerned I look down at Xiao. She was still asleep, I sigh in relief.
Xiao is sleeping soundly on my lap, she cried— we cried for 15 minutes before she got tired and fell asleep on my lap.
Ai tentatively walks over to Xiao, carefully as to not wake her he rubs her head and starts to smile.
Xiao, sleeping still, purred, like a little kitten, at Ai. Both boys looked at each other, exchanging quiet giggles.
Xiao could be so cute sometimes. Meng pushes Ai away so he too could rub Xiao head, he smiles when she purrs at him.
Longwei and I share a quick smile before he comes over as well.
“How’s she doing?” He asks me “Xaio’s doing great!” I don’t tell him about the fact that she and I cried for 15 minutes straight,
Or that the second she awoke she curled up into a ball, or that she just finally fell asleep. No I told him, she was fine, he wouldn’t worry now.
Longwei didn’t have time to worry for her, he had work to do. Work for the Emperor, he was one of the more important officials after all!
Ai and Meng couldn’t worry about her either. Both need to focus on being husbands, fathers, and generals in the Emperor’s army.
No only I could worry about Xiao, I was the only one with time to do it.
I tuned back into reality and looked at the boys, and my husband. They were all smiling down at the purring Xiao, I smile
But they have stuff to do. "Go on, Xiao needs her sleep" I say to them shooing them out of Xiao's room. “Go do your important jobs, and leave Xiao to sleep!”
I smile down at her, tucking her back in bed I leave the room. Looking back only to see Xiao’s tiny form and a small smile on her face.