I've felt this void inside my soul
Unable to fill it, it just grows more
Since a child I knew I was unlucky
To have a mother that did not protect
A father that wanted to touch me
Brothers that did not care to have a little sister
Left it up to me they would've both been in prison
But one thing my mom made sure to teach
A woman must always cook, clean and stay pretty
I had no voice, no one heard me.
So I learned to keep my words to myself
That I am on my own, that I can't have help
Cause no one is ever there for you
I remember so clearly me crying on my bed
Wishing death upon myself at the age of 9
Asking God "Why did you give me this life?"
Skip to today and who I'm I now?
Still that little girl, cautious to come out.
Afraid to be who I really am.
Still choosing to keep certain words to myself
Feeling guilty when I do speak up
How do I remove such learned ways?
To break these chains,
and the curse that was placed
They say your past does not define you
But there are certain things that just stick like glue
How I wish I can be who I am meant to be
I have no direction, no motivation, no goals.
I don't know where to start,
When I finally feel like my life is brighting up
Reality hits and its back to the dark
And to think... My family is the root of it all
I've run out of positivity, if I fall I fall