The Root

I've felt this void inside my soul

Unable to fill it, it just grows more

Since a child I knew I was unlucky

To have a mother that did not protect

A father that wanted to touch me

Brothers that did not care to have a little sister

Left it up to me they would've both been in prison

But one thing my mom made sure to teach

A woman must always cook, clean and stay pretty

I had no voice, no one heard me.

So I learned to keep my words to myself

That I am on my own, that I can't have help

Cause no one is ever there for you

I remember so clearly me crying on my bed

Wishing death upon myself at the age of 9

Asking God "Why did you give me this life?"

Skip to today and who I'm I now?

Still that little girl, cautious to come out.

Afraid to be who I really am.

Still choosing to keep certain words to myself

Feeling guilty when I do speak up

How do I remove such learned ways?

To break these chains,

and the curse that was placed

They say your past does not define you

But there are certain things that just stick like glue

How I wish I can be who I am meant to be

I have no direction, no motivation, no goals.

I don't know where to start,

When I finally feel like my life is brighting up

Reality hits and its back to the dark

And to think... My family is the root of it all

I've run out of positivity, if I fall I fall