i have feelings, sometimes

by allienveno

im tired

i constantly feel sad nowadays.

i made a mistake

my ego broke apart three of my most amazing friendships at the exact same time. i deserve this

i think about it a lot

i havent felt happy in months. five months. since i yelled at them for no reason.

it was weird

one of them, the one i missed the most, messaged me. he told me he missed me. i smiled for the first time in 152 days, but it came with its own vein of problems

i felt like an outsider

theyd stayed friends the whole time, while i didnt have contact with them. they made plans, they got closer. I had nothing to do with it and it made me sick. i didnt belong and they knew it.

i still dont

they talk to me like nothing happened. i puke a lot. i think about them constantly. i dont deserve them. im horrible. i think i should be dead