The taste of vanilla touched his tongue and with a breath he felt the burn of nothing go down his throat. A phantom taste he thought. He hadn't had rum in so long, he almost wanted it again.
He had been binge watching one of his favorite shows in the hopes of bringing back his motivation, but he couldn't focus on the plot. He tried to pay attention, but he would zone out.
“Hey, wanna get some food?” his best friend asked. “Nah.” he said. When was the last time he wanted to eat? He remembered that he ate this morning, but he didn't really feel like it. He was hungry, but he just didn't want to eat. He ate meals like normal in the hope that no one would notice.
He ran his finger through his hair and rubbed off the week long grease that had been accumulated on it. He didn't grease his hair, it's just from the lack of showers he has taken. He wanted to take a shower for a couple of days now, but he never had a chance. Yeah, he had been watching shows, but he could still be able to do something if he wanted to. In the shower there is about a half-hour of him and his mind.
“Hey how about you get some sleep.” his friend would ask every night. He didn't want to sleep, he felt like there was something to do, but all he was doing was watching something that could be pauses and picked up in the morning.
His thoughts would swirl downward. He would hate himself,his body, his face, his work, all of it. All he wanted was to stay home, in a blanket, hiding from the world just how much of a failure he was, but to seem like nothing was wrong he would still go out with friends. They would go out to dinner, to a movie, to an arcade, or to get groceries, things he would normally do.
Yeah, this lack of motivation, lack of feeling he had felt before. He had experienced it many times before. Before he even had a name for it, he felt it. Something that would slap him in the face and he would be left for days feeling like he did something wrong.
He was doing fine for a long time. He was productive, happy, excited, but then he found things going downward. Thoughts going dark, his image in the mirror to him looked different everyday. Some days he would want to take so many pictures because wow amazing he looked, other times he wished he could avoid the mirror altogether.
Now, I have one question to ask you,-Who did you see?