Dan looked at Phil's almost lifeless body on the hospital bed he had been on for many days now. He knew there wasn't much left of Phil.
Dan looked into Phil's eyes. The pale, happy blue was replaced with a blank stare of death and the wish of the pain to go away. Dan kissed him.
"I don’t want to do this anymore.” Dan whispered to him. “Hiding almost everything in the fear of lose. Hiding what could have helped, what could have made us better.”Phil’s blank stare drew even less alive now.
“Why did I force you to… to… conform to society. To the world. To hide our true selves from our life. To lie. To cheat. Faking everything that we believed. Faking happiness. Faking who and what we love.” Tears tried to shut Dan up, but he persisted.
"Why didn’t I listen to you.The Valentines Video, every fan theory, our book even we denied just to save us from what? Society? Happiness? Why was I so scared?” he hugged Phil, wishing he could hug back. Dan kissed Phil's forehead.
"I wish I could have had one last moment with you. Go to a carnival. Love. I don’t care what others would think, just be happy one last time. Smile. Live. kiss. Be happy. Tell everyone what we actually mean to each other and not this lie we tell to save us from nothing.Why did I make us a mystery? Why didn’t I just deal with what could have been the consequences?”
His tears coming down like a waterfall. He started to yell. “God damn it Phil Lester! I love you. More than food. More than anime. More than life itself. You were my day to my night. Light to my dark. My ying to my yang. The better half. The love of my life. My soul mate.I was supposed to protect you from yourself. How did I fail at such an easy job?”
Dan buried his head into Phil's chest, which not was barely moving. "What will I ever do without you? How will I tell everyone?” he stopped. “Can I even still live?” Dan just layed next to Phil. Crying and not letting Phil go.
His heart was hurting but his stomach with regret, or was that the lack of food? All you could hear was his sobs. Phil breathing became shallow. After a while Dan stopped crying and started just to stare. "I don't want to lose you.” he said quietly almost as if to himself.
The rhythmic breathing of Phil and the monitors made Dan calm down faster. And then Dan realized the last words Phil would ever hear was “I am so sorry. The rhythmic breathing of Phil and the monitors made Dan calm down faster.