Every now and then I crave for this sadness.
The only thing that you have left behind.
My bridge to our bygone days.
An attempt to escape the sleepwalking.
A desperate attempt to feel anything.
I am searching in the farthest corner of my mind.
I am digging up memories of times where I had let go of everything that was once dragging me down.
Times where I have been able to see the colours on this once blank canvas.
Somehow this sorrow’s bringing a certain calming in its wake.
A calming in this certainty that everything I loved is now everything I lost.
The certainty that I have reached the bottom.
Nothing left to lose.
Nowhere left to go.
At least that is what I like to tell myself.
That's what I have to tell myself.
I’m still choking on your words.
You said that we would never change.
When I take a look around I think it’s funny...
...that change is now the only one holding my hand.
Sometimes I wander on circuitous ways.
Just to pass the places that still hold your presence.
Out of nowhere the scenery unfolds and from a distance I observe:
It was a wintry day in November.
A full moon shimmering through these clouds that are slowly drifting by.
The snow was falling silently.
You pushed yourself against me to escape the cold.
You lifted your head and looked at me confidingly.
You raised yourself on tiptoes to come closer.
And the way you smiled at me before our first kiss.
I still remember exactly what it felt like.
The warmth of your lips diffused through my whole body.
It felt like we were on fire amidst this bone chilling cold.
We were so young and naïve, believed every word we said:
That we would never change.
When I take a look around, my eyes well up in tears...
...because change is now the only one holding my hand.
Now I can't help but feel that there’s nothing left to reach for.
Everything I ever wanted, I already had.
No one could ever take your place.
Nothing could ever fill the void.
So I stay out in this solitude.
Merely kept alive by the sadness you have left behind.
Hoping against all hope that one day,
somewhere along the line,
you'll find your way back to me.