When someone asks me about the past,
I close my eyes and the first thing I imagine,
Is a the word Happy,
Happy and free from this choking sphere I seem to be caught up in,
The tears that have poured down my face,
The sound I wish my voice could make,
Yet the silence seems to be piercing my ears,
How could thoughts be so loud?
I hate myself more and more cause I know my own decisions are the reason for my suffering,
I look in the mirror with a mixed feeling of disgust and disappointment,
How could I let myself get so far?
How could I let myself be dragged so far away?
Did I mean so little to myself I put others before myself?
What did I expect?
That my feelings would survive?
Probably the first thing that Died,
I can't help but listen to the melody of negativity,
It doesn't make me feel better,
But it sure doesn't make me feel worse,
Just to hear something that feels like I am not the only one suffering,
Just to feel like I am not alone,
Yet that's all I want,
Just to dive off this reality into a blank existence,
Wipe me clean off the face of the earth,
Love....Hate.....trust......broken.......none of it seems to matter anymore,
Just want to find peace,
In whatever form it may come,
If peace is the end,
Then lets skip to the last chapter,
If peace is in another,
show me the way into their arms,
If peace is a moment,
Can I have a picture of it,
If peace is a place,
Give me a map to find it,
If peace is within me,
Why haven't I found it yet?
Just stop the pain,