satire stories

alexandre Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
This is YOUR life!


by alexandre Life is a bitch. And you, as a youngster, will take some time to notice it. But you will get there, make no mistake. All your dreams, no matter how crazy or simple they might be, they’re ninety-nine per cent bound to fail. Yeah, as you grow older, you’ll become a prime witness to this.

You’ll have so many disappointments, you’ll have your ass kicked so many times that you’ll feel like being in a ring fighting Mike Tyson. With your hands tied up behind your back. Yeah, that’s right. Life will kick the shit out of you in a way you never imagine it to be possible. You’ll go down to the floor so many times you’ll eventually forget how to stand.

Oh, you’ll keep on trying getting up, and you might even stand on your feet for a while. But before you know it, just like when you start to think “Shit! This really works. If I persist, I can win.” you’ll get a massive uppercut from the bitch again. One of those which put you straight down on the mattress. Or on concrete. A kind of “Armageddon KO”, you know.

And if you’re lucky you’ll be completely lights out for a long period of time. That’s a blessing. Because you also might have the bad luck to be just zonked out. Zonked out means you’re down, in the gutter, all thrashed up, all fucked up, but you still keep conscious enough to know what’s happening around you.

And in that state, you’re just getting punched time and time and time again. And again. It’s like watching a tragedy... with the misfortune to be a real one. And you’re a special guess in it. You play a special part in it. Actually, you’re starring on it. It makes you never want to get up again. Just lay there in that stupor... grinning at nothing at all. Like the demented person you really are.

But you know what? No matter how much you want it, you can’t do it. You can’t keep lain down for ever because you have too much responsibility. Yeah, that’s right. You have your mortgage to pay, your car, your Visa; your Amex, your cable TV, your electricity, your gas bill, your gasoline bill.

Your phone bill, your cell phone bill, your water, your internet, your supermarket, your condominium fee... your shrink. And that’s the reason you can’t stay down. That’s the reason your shaking knees pull you up once more and force you to stand, just like a puppet played by a sadistic puppeteer. Until the next blow. And it will come. Be certain!

And while you’re waiting for this next punch, you work your ass off to pay for all those fucking bills (and all the others I couldn’t remember as I write this), for deep down, deep deep down, you know the alternative: a bullet in your fucking head. And dead center. You don’t want to fuck up if you shoot yourself, and instead of your head you blast off your foot.

If you’re an idiot to do something like that, then, on top of not even being able to kill yourself, you just made your sorry ass unable to work to make a living. Now what? Crazy and incompetent. What are you gonna do? You can’t go to work with half of your foot missing, right? And that’s when you’re going to feel double-frustrated: alive and crippled.

So, there you go. Another iron-fist crunching you down. And now, when you get up, things will be much worse because due to your inaptitude to blow your own brains off, you can’t do your job and pay those fucking bills. If you thought before that you were unhappy, if you thought before your life sucked, well... look at it now.

Yeah, take a good look at it now. You ought to take practice at the firing range, you stupid prick. You don’t want to fuck up again next time you pull the trigger of that Magnum against your forehead... maybe blasting your other foot.

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