Perhaps you've heard the story, Of the Tortoise and the Hare, The one in which they race, And Tortoise wins it fair and square.
But there's few who know the truth, Behind the ancient, fabled tale, A truth so dark and morbid, It might leave you fraught and pale.
The tortoise, see, was jealous, Of his fast and furry friend, His shell had turned him callous, Callousness - that'd be his end.
On a day just like another, When Hare was resting in his place, Along came Tortoise snapping, "I, hereby, challenge you to a race."
Now Hare, he valued friendship, Lose one race, he didn't mind, He was fond enough of Tortoise, So he trotted close behind.
The end of course you know, The Tortoise wins and we all cheer, But here's the fabled secret, That I'm sure you didn't hear.
Amidst the celebration, All the cheering and applause, The Raven interrupted, With his frantic coos and caws.
"Quickly," Raven shouted, "All the animals we must warn, There's fire fast approaching, If we don't, they're dead by morn!"
So who of all the animals, Do you suppose, did they choose Who should serve as messenger, And bring the forest all the news?
Of course it was the Tortoise, Did they unanimously decide, And on that day because the Tortoise,
Of course it was the Tortoise, Did they unanimously decide, And on that day because the Tortoise, All the forest fucking died.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for reading. I'll see myself out now.
Thanks for reading. I'll see myself out now. (Real talk: I love animals)