"I thought, "I want to die. I want to die more than ever before. There's no chance now of a recovery.
No matter what sort of thing I do, no matter what I do, it's sure to be a failure, just a final coating applied to my shame.
That dream of going on bicycles to see a waterfall framed in summer leaves--it was not for the likes of me.
All that can happen now is that one foul, humiliating sin will be piled on another, and my sufferings will become only the more acute. I want to die. I must die.
Living itself is the source of sin."
"As long as I can make them laugh, it doesn't matter how, I'll be alright. If I succeed in that, the human beings probably won't mind it too much if I remain outside their lives.
The one thing I must avoid is becoming offensive in their eyes: I shall be nothing, the wind, the sky."
"Mine has been a life of much shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being."
"Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness.
That is the one and only thing that I have thought resembled a truth in the society of human beings where I have dwelled up to now as in a burning hell.
"He could only consider me as the living corpse of a would-be suicide, a person dead to shame, an idiot ghost."
"The world, after all, was still a place of bottomless horror. It was by no means a place of childlike simplicity where everything could be settled by a simple then-and-there decision."
"The thought of dying has never bothered me, but getting hurt, losing blood, becoming crippled and the like--no thanks."
"I am convinced that human life is filled with many pure, happy, serene examples of insincerity,
truly splendid of their kind-of people deceiving one another without (strangely enough) any wounds being inflicted, of people who seem unaware even that they are deceiving one another."
"People talk of "social outcasts."
The words apparently denote the miserable losers of the world, the vicious ones, but I feel as though I have been a "social outcast" from the moment I was born.
If ever I meet someone society has designated as an outcast, I invariably feel affection for him, an emotion which carries me away in melting tenderness."
quotes from the book "no longer human" by dazai osamu. please read the book if you have a chance!