I didn't notice her at first
Not really
It was a whole new group of people, and she wasn't one of the loud ones
She was quiet, reserved, I thought
But there was one day
That she said something
I don't remember what it was anymore
But it was so funny it left me gasping, wiping tears from my eyes
And she grabbed my arm, laughing too
And the sparks that shot down my arm at her touch shocked me
But the next day
I realized I'd just never looked at her enough
She was so brave, so fearless
When she was quiet, it wasn't because she was shy
It was because she didn't have anything important enough to say
And she wasn't insecure enough to blurt whatever came into her head
Her eyes looked like caramel when the light hit them
And when she looked at me
That's when I knew she was special
I wanted to say something instantly
Wanted to make her mine and kiss her and hold her
But I knew that was moving too fast, my friends told me I always jumped in head first
So I bit my tongue and pretended my heart rate didn't jump when she walked in the room
Finally, after a normal amount of time, I took her on a date
But still all I wanted was more, more
It was like I was being magically drawn to her
The moment she left all I wanted was to call her back
But I didn't want to scare her off,
And everyone told me rushing things would,
So I waited some more
And eventually, asked her to be my girlfriend
She said yes
And it was perfect
For a while
But it seemed like no matter how many steps forward we took
I wanted more, more, more
But everybody told me to wait, to hold my breath
So I waited and I waited
And one day, when I came home from work,
She was waiting in the hall for me
A suitcase in her hand
"I'm done waiting for you. It's been five years, and my friends are right, if you haven't proposed by now you never will. I have to move on, I can't wait for you anymore. Goodbye."
There were so many things I should've said in that moment
But my heart was too broken for my mouth to form any words
And I watched the woman who should've been my wife walk out the door
I stood there for I don't know how long,
Not moving,
Not breathing.
Before pulling the little box out of my pocket
The box I bought the very first day she made me laugh
I flicked it open, looked at the tiny ring nestled in velvet
And I laughed
Then I cried
Then both, for a while
Because I'd been such an idiot
The voice inside me had been telling me what to do from the very beginning
And I'd listened to others voices instead
I should've trusted my gut, the power inside of me that told me she was the one
But I didn't
And now I might've lost the love of my life
So now I'm walking through the rain with a soggy black box in my hand
To her parents house, where she hopefully is
Because the voice inside of me is telling me to give it one last shot
And I'm not going to make this mistake of ignoring it again
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