The Voice Inside Me

I didn't notice her at first

Not really

It was a whole new group of people, and she wasn't one of the loud ones

She was quiet, reserved, I thought

But there was one day

That she said something

I don't remember what it was anymore

But it was so funny it left me gasping, wiping tears from my eyes

And she grabbed my arm, laughing too

And the sparks that shot down my arm at her touch shocked me

But the next day

I realized I'd just never looked at her enough

She was so brave, so fearless

When she was quiet, it wasn't because she was shy

It was because she didn't have anything important enough to say

And she wasn't insecure enough to blurt whatever came into her head

Her eyes looked like caramel when the light hit them

And when she looked at me

That's when I knew she was special

I wanted to say something instantly

Wanted to make her mine and kiss her and hold her

But I knew that was moving too fast, my friends told me I always jumped in head first

So I bit my tongue and pretended my heart rate didn't jump when she walked in the room

Finally, after a normal amount of time, I took her on a date

But still all I wanted was more, more

It was like I was being magically drawn to her

The moment she left all I wanted was to call her back

But I didn't want to scare her off,

And everyone told me rushing things would,

So I waited some more

And eventually, asked her to be my girlfriend

She said yes

And it was perfect

For a while

But it seemed like no matter how many steps forward we took

I wanted more, more, more

But everybody told me to wait, to hold my breath

So I waited and I waited

And one day, when I came home from work,

She was waiting in the hall for me

A suitcase in her hand

"I'm done waiting for you. It's been five years, and my friends are right, if you haven't proposed by now you never will. I have to move on, I can't wait for you anymore. Goodbye."

There were so many things I should've said in that moment

But my heart was too broken for my mouth to form any words

And I watched the woman who should've been my wife walk out the door

I stood there for I don't know how long,

Not moving,

Not breathing.

Before pulling the little box out of my pocket

The box I bought the very first day she made me laugh

I flicked it open, looked at the tiny ring nestled in velvet

And I laughed

Then I cried

Then both, for a while

Because I'd been such an idiot

The voice inside me had been telling me what to do from the very beginning

And I'd listened to others voices instead

I should've trusted my gut, the power inside of me that told me she was the one

But I didn't

And now I might've lost the love of my life

So now I'm walking through the rain with a soggy black box in my hand

To her parents house, where she hopefully is

Because the voice inside of me is telling me to give it one last shot

And I'm not going to make this mistake of ignoring it again