She sat in the back of the classroom every day
One headphone in, listening to some kind of music
I sat in the middle row
But way on the end
So I could watch her
Not, like, in a creepy way
Obviously
But she was the most interesting thing that had ever happened to Ms. Daughhery's 5th hour math class
And, to be honest, I couldn't look away
At first, I thought I was jealous of her
That her smooth, shiny hair cascading down her back
And my choppy brown bob
Was why I paid so much attention
Then I figured it must be her ease, her confidence
The way she never once look at the board
But had a perfect score on every test, anyway
I always got 99-s
But I didn't really mind
If I had to lose to someone, I was glad it was her
So I knew it wasn't just her hair or her brains
Then I started really fixating
The graceful line between her shoulder and her neck
The curve of her arm as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear
The way she'd bite her bottom lip just barely when she was thinking
I decided I must just be jealous of her body
That was, until she smiled at me one day
I was entering the classroom
(A bit late, I'll admit)
When I tripped over the trash can by the door
I flew over it and landed sprawled on my face
Groaning, I looked up to see the whole class staring at me
But I locked eyes with her
And I watched in awe as her eyes crinkled and the corners,
And she raised her hand to her mouth
Not quite covering the mischievous smile spreading across her face
My god, she looked radient
And that was when I realized
When I thought I was jealous, I wasn't listening to the truth inside me
If I'd really listened my feelings
I would have realized I wasn't jealous because I wanted to be her
But because I wanted to be with her
In retrospect, I don't know why it took me so long to realize I was a lesbian
But looking back, I wouldn't change anything for the world
After all, nothing can compare to the feeling I had the first time my wife smiled at me
Because even now,
When she smiles at me,
I can't look away
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