Drowning in Love

Did you know that love and drowning have a lot in common?

I didn't know that either

Until Carter

I fell in love with Carter during my Freshman year

Football games and apple picking are the perfect backdrop to fall for someone

And holding his hand during the pep rally and pinning on a boutineer for homecoming just solidified it

I felt like I was flying when I was with him

But I didn't realize I was in the water, not the air

I loved him so much I forgot to breathe

I let myself sink below the waves so he could float

And as long as he smiled at me, I didn't notice how cold the water was, how deep I was getting

And then he pulled away, off to chase another girl closer to the surface

And that's when I started to struggle

But it was too late

My clothes were too saturated, my lungs already empty

I'd dedicated all I was into loving him, instead of learning to swim

So I let go,

Let the current take me

Until I washed up onto shore

Learning to walk again was difficult after months at sea

But I managed

I got stronger

I got more confident in myself

And eventually, I was able to walk up to Carter again

"You drowned me." I said, my voice clear and strong

And for once I wasn't drowned out by the ocean in his eyes

"Silly girl." He answered.

"I didn't drown you. You drowned yourself."

I wanted to scream, to slap him, to protest

But deep down I knew it was true

He didn't ask me to tie cinder blocks to my ankles

I did so willingly, believing it was what he wanted

But what he really wanted was a girl who could swim on her own

I can swim on my own, now

But not with Carter

I refuse to sink myself for someone else,

And my arms are too strong to fail me

I've loved others, as equals, and enjoyed every minute

But deep down there's always a part of me that remembers the exquisite pain that was drowning myself for him

And I can't decide whether to regret it,

Or to thank him for letting me learn what I'm worth.

Yes, love and drowning have a lot in common

But they don't have to be the same,

As long as you love the right way

Stay to the surface, girl, and don't drown yourself for him

Because he didn't ask you to,

And nobody wants to marry a corpse