Catch-22 feeling stories

ahanajey @ahana._.writes on IG
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
When did it start? When did it all end?

*This piece involves suicidal thoughts and such. Because Commaful doesn't provide any options to mark a trigger warning, please read this at your own risk.*


My hands reach for the blade, as I hesitate, shame fills my heart and body.

My heart shames me for being a coward,

my body shames me for hesitating.

I look at the papers and numbers,

the only sound I hear is my paradoxical decisions.

I ran from help,

fooling myself that I was fine.

I forced myself to take a breath and feel the numbness sear until the pain subsides.

But I had to inhale again,

cause to the outside world, I was perfect.

Confusion throbs in my head

As the world goes blur,

but not blur enough for me to ignore them.

I pull my hair,

The pain is more than I could take,

But what can be more painful?

Pulling my hair or trying to find hope?

Tears fall silently.

I don't bother to wipe them.

I never bothered to help my pained heart,

how can I help myself?

When did it all start?

When will all this end?

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