Happy me

What a strange world that this is. Full of shattered hopes and broken kids. Confused minds in a web of lies and identities lost due to lack of a life.

Who am I but a husk looking for a purpose to be filled with?

What are we but lonely, lost children?

Tainted minds and broken hearts. Memories of first loves gone.

No longer pure in feeling, brain always reeling, guard up at all times to avoid further hurt but inside these walls I am screaming.

What does life have in store for me? I hope only for peace, love and loyalty.

I wish to shed my past, let go of the baggage that weighs me down, to look in the mirror and see not an ugly clown or fool. A talentless waste of space and a burden too.

If only the hate for myself that I hold would go away but no amount of showers or scrubbing can wash this heavy weight away.

One day it may change.

I may wake up lying on my side and not hate the way my gut hangs, I may rise out of bed instantly and not take 2 hours,

I may look in the mirror and not see a list of things I need to fix obsessively but reasons to love every feature, every bit... excessively.

Love every wrinkle on my face, love my parents and let them in instead of pushing them away. Organise my life so I can focus on caring more instead of dealing with this shame.

One day I hope it will change. No more pressure inside my brain.

I pray the stress will melt away, the shame will pack and leave on a permanent holiday.

So I can spend my days not in agony, stuck on all the tragedy.

But happily

As me.