A new decade for some would probably mean and bring about good fortune, happiness, wealth, and the infamous love.
It's only two months in this decade and I've been shattered to pieces back to back. With our third month coming up, I don't know how I'll handle this one.
Quite frankly I am never the type of person writing this late at night when I 'go to bed' at eleven thirty and cruise about social media 'till I fall asleep, but this one hurts more than usual.
The first part of this journey is similar to the main one I am describing, it ended in me being led on and crying. The difference here is that I was led on even harder and cried even more.
One important thing to keep in mind is that I am NEVER lucky one bit when it comes to love.
I am an optimistic person with functionalist ways of thinking, I don't see a reason to ever get mad, it's the worst emotion to ever have, purposeless which is why I'm taken for granted,
but I've learned to become humble enough where anger does not overtake or control my decisions.
Going midway into February I started to be a bit more happy, I realized there's more to life than being hurt by females that waste time.
I went out with friends, enjoyed myself and got to experience the exuberant, boujee lifestyle I oh so please.
A few days later, things became even better with my dream colleges (of New York) accepting me along with things like continually winning in Imessage darts every five seconds.
Besides that, something even better; you, who will be going by the name of bimmer throughout this whole story.
Now bimmer, she is gorgeous, she still is gorgeous because there's nothing that can convince me otherwise that she's ugly, not even the decisions she's made.
Now the story aspect of bimmer and I is not long because who am I kidding; it only lasted three days, but those three days were so surreal I still feel it hasn't ended.
Bimmer was introduced to me by a friend, let's call her mango bomb. At the time, bimmer was talking to someone, let's call him useless.
My first mistake in this scenario was getting involved with bimmer when she was invested with useless, I personally didn't know how invested with him she was,
but it pretty much seems like a lot coming to the ending up of this journey.
Day one of bimmer and I was very practical. Guy meets girl, they talk, they get to know each other.
It's the basics of any story that is so perfect the story is bad (Professor Oliveras) Well in this case,
the plot became so heavily deteriorated I lost it all to the point where I'm writing about it.
Day two was more hearty and docile than ever, a calming day that had me smiling like an asshole all day because we got to know each other and get a good vibe of each other even more,
we talked like if we were meant for eachother, we told each other what we loved about each other, she made me feel like if I was actually a handsome,
fly person who could have a gorgeous girl by their side to accompany them. Later that night she even told me about her plans on Saturday and asked me to come with her to a party.
I was shocked, I didn't expect it after two days of talking for a person to feel you that much they wanted to show you off already.
Too good to be true right? Yes it actually was because she was either telling the truth and got marauded, or just a really great actress.
"I really want you to come" Her exact words on the night of day two made me feel like I really found someone who treasured me and wanted to fuck with me because I was nice and kind,
despite my money, despite my assets, just for my personality and charms that I show off in my own special way to anyone who I try and give the world to. Never again though.
Day three, this day went from happy to dreadful in the matter of an hour.
In the morning of this day I had started it off with a random good morning paragraph to her because hey, why not?
You deserve it, you've been making me feel like you're a hurt soul like me just in need of affection so here, you deserve it.
A little bit after she reads the message and doesn't respond in about ten minutes.
Did I do too much? No, I just received the same energy back with a slightly bigger paragraph written from her to me.
My heart melted because no female I ever associated with had ever done that and actually returned the exact same energy back.
Other than that, the day went normal I was in college, she was running errands, we talked throughout the day, random shit about what we were doing and just cute stuff at the same time.
She sent me pictures of herself before she went out and I absolutely ied, she's top-notch beautiful and nothing no matter how hard you try will sway my thought.
We even talked about her trying makeup on me & stealing my hoodies, "cherish them while you can...
oh, but I am" Words she said to me that made me feel as if she was in love with me,
as if she was claiming me as her because who says that type of of stuff three days into getting to know someone?
Part two of this day, the petrifying disaster had started around five. We had facetimed talking about random shit, making eachother laugh.
We talked about our past, not afraid to hide any details because why should we if we were jacking eachother so hard?
I even made a plan to take bimmer on a date next Wednesday and we were figuring it out. I was so happy to see her this Saturday but it all became a waste.
We talked from five to seven and then she had to go. I went to shower, came back, texted her. Message read, non responsive.
My chest began to pain ironically at the same time I checked Instagram, unfollowed & number blocked. I facetimed mango bomb instantly because this didn't seem right at all.
After three days of happiness and jacking each other as people who were essentially 'taken' she does this out of the blue?
I felt like I was back in the ER in June 2019 waiting for results on why my chest was so tight.
The time comes around nine thirty to nine forty mango bomb sends me a screenshot,
bimmer is on facetime with useless and she blocked me out left me in the dust with no explanation so she could be 'happy' with useless.
Mango bomb even showed bimmer a screenshot of what I said about useless, he's not going to keep her happy for long,
despite who she chooses I want her to be happy for the long run with her choice, and she can receive that from me. I said something along those lines the day before bimmer and I started talking.
The clock hit ten and I'm on a facetime with mango bomb and another friend straight crying because this pain hurt more than my ex, than the first one who played me, but..
Why? Because it felt fucking surreal.
I cried my eyes out on Thursday into Friday morning in front my two friends, later seeing that useless had decided to sub me on social media too,
as if I was going to give into his childish games, I am more mature than that.
Congratulations you somehow captured the heart of a whoring gemstone you probably won't keep for long, kudos to you!
Feelings with rage and passion filled my body as I chugged down a mini bottle of coconut ciroc so fast after crying my Trini accent blended with the classic New York accent came out,
it was so deep I rarely unlock this version of myself. I wanted to hurt useless, but I realized that it wouldn't bring bimmer back to me.
I stayed up 'till two thirty that night contemplating how I am worthless and not valued for anyone's time in this life, she was a gem and chose a guy who has nothing much to offer her.
That's the Kruel world we live in.
It is Saturday into Sunday as I am writing, I don't even know if bimmer chose the dress I wanted her to wear, or if she even wanted me to still attend the party today.
I am hurt, I am in a state of mind where I feel nothing in this life will get better because of what she did to me.
I just feel petrified to talk to another person again because what if I end up giving my all and devote myself to a person again just for them to play me?
I don't feel I can take this type of pain again and though we are young, impressions leave a mark and supposedly 'scar' individuals for a good amount of time.
Bimmer broke what was left of what was previously broken. There is nothing left in me but cold, sharp, shattered pieces if you want an analogy of my heart.
And though she picked him over me, I am not mad. I do not hate her. I still want to see her happy, I still want to see her become a pediatric dentist.
Call me a bitch, a pushover, whatever you want but it's not in my genes to hate a person. She made me feel like I was actually someone that could find love that actually wanted me too. And though
I don't know if she actually meant a single word from the start to end of us talking, I still don't have it in me to hate her. Part of me wants to talk back to bimmer one day, but I know it is
purposeless because her eyes will just be on another. What I've gathered from this series of events is that the unexpected will always happen, and that fun must come to an end someday. Unfortunately
for me, it ended in a fiery ablaze. My mind will never be the same though I will bounce back after a time, my thought process on anything is now fucked, I can't think the same without weighing
how viable a person's words actually are. Bimmer had reciprocated energy I give out to people, energy I so dare crave, the feeling that I make someone happy is what I crave, and the way she gave
it back was surreal, like I didn't deserve her energy, her backstabbing, anything. I have done things before I am not proud of, but no one deserves to feel like shit. No one deserves to feel like
their worth is ultimately worthless, no one deserves to feel their confidence deplete to the point where trying to even think about love again seems pointless. "You went away and my heart went
with you"~ Renee Flemmings. I hope her decisions do her well, her choice is ultimately her choice. Just remember, karma will hit you one day. ~Farewell, Aero.