I don't want to be alive anymore

          I don't want to be alive
                          anymore exhaustion stories
  •   1 comment

aden2y5 Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   3 years ago
Logic's song doesn't make me want to call.

I don't want to be alive anymore

I've got Logic's song on repeat.

I just want to die.

And it's not just today.

It's been all my life.

Ain't nobody calling my phone.

I ain't got friends anymore.

The closest people I've had are all gone,

or they've been fake all along.

Most of them were fake.

I've been praying

for somebody to save me,

but not to feel better

about themselves,

or because they think

suicide is just "wrong":

I want someone to do it

because they genuinely think

I have a chance of being happy.

I've never had a home.

Everyone I've lived with

has profoundly hated me.

Or has never cared.

I want to believe

they've at least hated me.

I’m moving till my legs give out,

but I’m tired

I’ve been walking on autopilot

for the last 20 years

How much longer

‘till I can rest?

I still see at least

5 more years ahead

without catching a smile;

and I’m being optimistic.

I don’t want to cry anymore,

but I can’t stop crying.

How do I turn it off?

I sleep as much as I can;

and don’t dream,

because, if I do,

I cry in my sleep.

And, "happy times",

they don’t exist for me:

every time I smile

later I realize

It was because of a lie.

Maybe unintentional;

but still: a lie.

So, if you know me,

look me in the eyes.

Don’t tell me

you’re sure I’ll be happy:

help me feel alive.

Take it upon you,

or shut up

and let me rest in peace.

Logic’s song only makes me

feel worse, but

It helps me make sense of it all

I don’t want to have

the whole thing on repeat:

Just the first verse on a loop.

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