I prepared for the concert in the Incheon Munhak Stadium. I was having trouble focusing and as I walked up on the stage, I was extremely stressed. There was too much going on. Memories of my past kept flashing in my mind.
I looked down at my arms. The scars were faded but they were a constant reminder of how I hurt myself. How weak I was. I remembered getting bullied and not doing anything about it. I hated myself. And all those feelings were coming back all at once.
I couldn't do it. I ran back down the stairs and into my dressing room. I laid my head down and let it all out. I cried for the first time in a long time. I cried for hurting myself, my mom, my bullies, everyone who doubted me, Taehyung, and most of all, Daniel.
He hurt me so bad. Imagine if you drop an egg on the carpet. It probably won't break. But imagine bringing the egg up to a very high point, and then dropping it on a hard surface. That's how it felt. He made me believe in fake hope that I could fix myself, only to break me beyond repair. I heard a knock on the door.
"Alice, you're not funny. Get out here right now. We're behind schedule and your fans are getting worried." My fans. Those sweet angels who were always there for me. I have told them a bit about my past. About how I was depressed and didn't believe in myself. I couldn't tell them about me getting bullied because BTS and Daniel went to my old high school.
They'd be asked about it and who knows what they would say. I got up and walked towards the door. I opened it to see my stylist, Baekhyun. He looked at my bloodshot eyes and red nose and immediately pulled me in for a hug.
Baekhyun has always been here for me. He's like the brother I never had. I don't tell him much about me, but he's still right there when I need someone to talk to.
"Come on you ruined your makeup." Baekhyun says with a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry I ruined your masterpiece." I jokingly said while sniffling. "Trust me girl, I have worked with way better people than you." Baekhyun says sassily.
He walked me to his studio and fixed what he could. He covered up my red nose the best he could, but to no avail. I would just have to perform looking like a mess. As I walked out, Baekhyun pulled me in for one last hug.
"Hey, you're 6 minutes late. Give em a show to remember. And don't worry about their looks. Just act like nothing is wrong. You don't want to worry them, okay?" I nodded. He kissed my forehead and walked away.
I walked out. As soon as I did, the crowd grew silent. I took a deep breath and started talking. "Hey guys! It's so good to see you!" The crowd cheered. "I'm so sorry about the hold up. We had a bit of trouble with the costumes but it's all good now. Let's get this party started!"
I sang my albums songs, blah blah blah, the show ended. I wished everyone a good rest of the night and bid them farewell. I ran off the stage and towards Loren. "What's wrong?" I questioned her frown.
"Baekhyun told me. We need to talk." She said and walked away, motioning for me to follow her. We went to our house. Yes, me and Loren live together. She's my assistant, but also my best friend.
I told her everything. It was hard to get it out, but once I did, I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders. We called SM Entertainment, my label, and told them that I really wasn't feeling that well mentally. I told them about my breakdown before going on stage.
They said that They would give me a little break and postpone the rest of my shows, but I would still have to have that relationship with my former tormentor. We decided to watch a movie. In the middle, I got a call from an unknown number. I excused myself and left to answer.
"𝘏𝘦𝘺𝘺! 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘶𝘱!" My breath caught in my throat. "𝒟𝒶𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓁?"
Imagine the album is Badlands by Halsey, but obv it's by Alice.