I could try to pick apart,
All the secrets of the heart,
But the heart is a complicated machine,
And I am not a mechanic,
I do not understand the gears or pistons or parts,
That make the heart stop or start,
I'm behind the wheel of a car,
Convinced I'll go far with you as my false, guiding star,
So I take the same one way street hoping for a different destination,
Never expecting the same old heart-break car-wreck devastation,
Denial is my morning commute, loneliness my drive home,
Wondering where you roam on roads unknown,
Between better arms and softer sheets,
Finding that piece to feel complete,
While I'm stuck on the same old street with your name stuck on repeat,
How many times must I see your face at night when I close my eyes tight?
And how many more times must I yearn for a kiss from your lips with my hands on your hips as we catch sparks from our fingertips?
I don't know.
But the truth is this; I'd never felt anything like it so it was worth the risk and I'd do it again,
Fuck the heartbreak and fuck the pain,
I know I'll never be the same and I'd still do it all again,
Because nothing has felt as good before or ever since,
And seeing you again would still make me wince,
I'll never be the same I'm convinced,
I'll never be the same.
I'll never be the same and I'll shoulder the blame and I'll bury the shame of fooling myself into playing this wicked game,
Still feeling like I need you the most despite being an ever-absent living ghost,
And it's so hard to change and grow when you were the closest thing to feeling like home,
Maybe I should've known and maybe this was why I was better off alone,
So maybe I'll wait forever,
Until all thought and feeling is severed,
Until stars collapse, and suns die,
Until all rivers and oceans run dry,
Until this engine is eaten by rust.
Until this heart is nothing but dust.