Have you ever hit a point where you feel nothing? No emotions at all.... Lying on my bed like a lifeless creature that's exactly how I feel right now. Six years back if someone had told me that I would feel heartbroken someday or that I would be scared to speak, I would have laughed at their face
With no tears left to cry, I stared at the ceiling. That white plain ceiling reflected my soul. Empty! So I did what I always do. Sleep away my problems. A quick escape from reality. I closed my eyes and prayed to god to take my life away in my sleep, so that, I would feel no pain. I pulled the bed sheets over me and in no time I was dozing off.
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. Panic settled in me as soon as I saw that the call is from an unknown number. Yes.... Its him!!! Who else will call me from unknown number Gathering all the courage I had in me I answered the call but didn't utter a word. Silent! The other end was completely silent.
The silence deafened me . "Hello"! My voice came out shaky and timid than I would expected it to be. " Hey dear! Its me!" The laugh which followed his words sent a shiver down my spine. That laugh. The laugh which never fails to bring a sick feeling in my stomach.
But this time I am not gonna show him that I am scared of him. This time I will not let him make me cry. This time its gonna be different. I thought to myself and almost shouted " Yes I know. What do you want now? Haven't I already told you enough time to stop calling me? Why don't you get it? You know there's no point in talking to you. I will just hang up".
"Why bitch? Are you with one of your many boyfriends right now? How long are you planning to stay with him? One week? One day? One night? Is he forcing you hang up the call so that you two could...." "Enough!!!!" I cut him off even before he could complete the sentence. I am tired of listening to him speak bullshit about me.
And today I am in no mood to listen to someone calling me names or someone talking shit about me. " What do you want from me? If you ever thing that I am gonna come back to you, Forget it!" "What? Are you serious? Bitch, Please!!!! I would never even use a slut like you for one night needs. Let alone be with you. Listen! I have no time.
I will just have my words as usual and hang up. So you better keep it shut. Good?" I did what he asked me to do. I kept it shut. The next half an hour was him bad mouthing me. I sat there at the edge of my bed like a statue holding the phone to my ears so tight, at the verge of tears.
As soon as he hung up I got up from my bed, stood in front of the mirror and looked at those two tear stained eyes staring back at me from the mirror. I thought to myself, "How did I even fall into this trap? How did I even reach this condition Am I that stupid? Yes I am.
Because a person with a sane mind wouldn't have fallen in love with him. But love doesn't check resumes of the person. Love doesn't check the gender of the person. Love doesn't check the color of the person. Moreover, love doesn't check whether that person is a human or not. I felt a pang in my heart. My first love....
The love which bubbles up without any expectations. The love which always sets your heart on fire and ice at the same time. And it happened with a heartless person! My eyes roamed around the face of that lifeless creature staring at me from the mirror. My big brown eyes, for which I got compliments from many is now red and swollen.
My lips were trembling. Times like this make me feel happy to have born with a dusky skin tone. My face doesn't become tomato red when I cry like it does for people with fair skin. It helps me in masking the fact that I cried. No one knows and I don't want anyone to know. Tucking my hair behind my ears and taking a deep breath I wondered and asked myself....."IF ONLY!!!!"