by A.S. Thetic
As my tears swell up I know what I'm supposed to say My watered eyes hidden behind the words "I'm ok"
But that which I hold dear, that I already battle to be a lie is a doubled edged sword causing me to die inside.
It doesn't matter if the most hurtful distrust is true I now stand and kneel in victory while subdued
If this supposed betrayal isn't enough to end me My pain physical and mental is my parting tree
My anguish of those I help, are those who say it is not enough. Echoing words as if saying "Let me first torture you one I love."
The bottled up grief like a volcano of despair. My life filled with oxygen yet lacking air.
I gaze in the hour glass at distorted faces rejoice "the battle is won" But the anguish before me says "yes but the war has just begun".
I know the end but it's the present that pierces the now I know the what, where, and when, but lost at the how.
Betrayed, wounded, cut, humiliated, all part of warfare unfair without a care to the bliss of those who only want to stare.
After all, why fight a battle not yours when standing on the sidelines, clapping with whispers, between the slaps, as you laugh and lag behind.
Oh My God to YOU only... I plead oh please. Help me Lord as I take a breath but struggle to breathe.
I have Hope in my Savior, albeit reaching in pain Barely able to lift my withered hand through others glaring disdain.
Some in pity talk of my misery inspiring their being while never recognizing the duplicity my gimlet-eyes are seeing.
God have mercy on me and my tears Mercy on my mistakes and my fears
Jesus Christ save me from my trespasses as well as those who trespass and hide their sins in Hell.
My tears for me, them, and us, the sea of salt I cry Lord heal me, so my forgiveness well, doesn't run dry.
Let not my sorrow be for nothing but for a gain Let the storms be useful and my tears be the rain.
If the prison around me is my persecution I am to bear. Let the enemy, fakers, and pointers turn to salt as they stare.
Light my fire, not kindle, but burn to ash the lies, hate, and deceit. Lift my hand of ash as your wind carries all this back to their feet.
I refuse to honor pain, glory to sorrow or hate, nor will I hold a grudge, I will not grovel to any, but to the one true righteous, let mercy judge.
I sat for a moment with regret, tears, pain, and depressed But that moment has passed, like yesterday, so I no longer digress
You can take all these tears, fears, worries, and sorrow. I was never meant to keep them... but just for a moment borrow.