Do you ever feel like you never belonged because you were different and everyone around you just stared or laughed because you were different for thinking a certain way?
I remembered all the days that I would sit by myself in the cafeteria because I was different and I couldn’t be like all the “normality” of kids at a dumb high school that wouldn’t matter to me after ten or twenty years for that matter.
But what got me going was all the girls that would reject me and would never give me a chance. That hurt. It just brought me down and I don’t know, maybe it just occurred to them that I wasn’t worth going for because I wasn’t bad in a way where I was a bad ass.
Maybe they thought I was just a good boy, that did only good things but if they knew me, I was numb. I was depressed and I was anxious all the time. The only thing that can ease the pain I felt after my father passed away was drugs. It numbed me and let me escape this terrible and cruel world of human beings.
I started to lose trust in everyone except my family and a very good friend of mine since the third grade. After that I just kept to myself while in college and I figured that I could just start over. I did and eventually I was still feeling numb and the pain was there so I hid that with what I later came to know as my addiction to alcohol.
It was also my addiction to nicotine that I really needed the most it kept me going and keeps me going to this day. I still drink and I’m rarely that numb but I just don’t feel like this world is about the love anymore. The same love I used to know back in the days. Not anymore, it’s more like lust and infatuation. How perfect she or he is, or how beautiful/ hot she or he is, it’s just to me that the generation isn’t the same anymore.
To me we are all broken hearted and numb who are in love with the lust and infatuation of this society that has grown in each in one of us. I’m talking about the generation where it’s about drugs and alcohol, numbing the pain that we feel inside. The numbness keeps growing inside of me and I’m afraid I won’t be able to marry someone because of how numb and how much hurt I’ve been through the last couple of years, nothing can change that nor no one can fix that but me. Just saying that this is my own opinion about life nowadays.